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Don’t Show It!

It is deep rich shades of darkness filled with screams, cries and lamenting wails. It smells of pain and salty tears.

Sometimes I’m forced to look at it, that invisible container of things that I try to keep locked inside me. The little voice that tries to keep it safe whispers quietly, “you’re okay, you don’t feel, you don’t hurt…” That little voice has become so good at its job that it allows me to convince not only you that I am okay but it convinces me as well until that pivotal moment when I can’t convince myself any longer because I am not okay and I never was.

It rips free in a gut wrenching escape and the weight of the realization is crushing. When did I get so good at hiding from myself?

By Shari Marshall – 2020