Parenting & Other Life Stories

When the Bottom Falls Out

The Penis Chronicles presents, “When the Bottom Falls Out”

My youngest boy can’t swim. The child doesn’t even float; he sinks like a boulder! Now for most of us the knowledge that we can’t swim screams out from the tiny corner of our brain, “STOP FOOL DON’T JUMP! YOU CAN’T SWIM!” However, with my son this doesn’t happen or if it does he isn’t listening. The result is that I have narrowly managed to grab him, any part of him, after he has dashed and dove into the water. By the way, arms or clothing are the best for leverage.

Short of letting him drowned (which isn’t an option) I don’t know how to get this through his head. And yes we are trying to teach him to swim but it seems he’d rather risk death then learn!

When we went to the Miette Hot Springs last year he added a new level to his death stunt. We had all been enjoying the warm waters in a safe manner. The hot spring is a large pool with varying depths so he could touch and was happy for a while. Over to the side of the large pool are a series of small circular pools which the boys somehow managed to see and then wanted to investigate. So, we walked over and before I could blink he jumped. Not shocking but what was shocking was that when I plunged my arm down to grab the fearless sinker I was assaulted by a series of pins and needles all the way up my arm! My little dare devil added polar dip to his sinking boulder routine and he was submerged all the way to the last hair on his head.

Wow, did he love it!

Wow, was I mad!

His next stunt after that didn’t go as he planned because I managed to wrestle, yes wrestle, water wings on him before he propelled his 5 year old self off a small cliff into cenote leaving his father and I slack jawed on the top!

By Shari Marshall – 2019

**P.S. I did jump into the cenote as well and I can see the thrill, but then again I can swim.

The Penis Chronicles is a weekly platform for sharing childcare stories, advice & etcetera. Raising children is an adventure! And please, I know the title says “penis chronicles”, but stories about raising girls are very much welcome. Please post and share your link and/or your comments in the comments section below.

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