Parenting & Other Life Stories

Do you have a layout without doors?

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Photograph by Shari Marshall ©

The Penis Chronicles present “Do you have a layout without doors?”

I can remember clearly the days when my husband and I started RV shopping so we could do family camping. We looked at a number of layouts. My boys were 2 and 5 and I remember thinking “hell no” to any of the layouts that provided the boys with their own door out or a door out that would be easy for them to escape through without me noticing. See, at 2 and 5 my boys were masterminds and the fact that RVs had a door at all was enough to make me twitch. I mean why not a trap door in the roof that we rappel down from; that sounded safer.

I am sure that some of you are wondering what I going on about. I can see the head scratching and the questioning looks.

RV shopping occurred on the heels of some door incidents in my home. We had the typical lock the door and close it while nobody is inside to unlock it again. We also had the locking oneself in a room and refusing to unlock the door. Both instances required the door knobs to come off. However, we had another incident as well.

My husband was at work. The boys and I were outside in the backyard playing. Keys and phone were in the house. Suddenly the youngest bolts across the yard, up the stairs and into the house and he locked myself and my oldest out. This wasn’t an accident. His intent from the beginning of bolting across the yard was to lock us out. We didn’t know right away that we had been locked out. However, once we did notice we were confronted by my youngest dancing in front of the glass on the door and we could hear him through the open windows yelling, “ha-ha, ha-ha” while pointing at us.

Thank goodness for open windows because I had to pop the screen out of the window. It was a race between me popping it out and him trying to wheel the window shut. I had to climb through the window to get into my own house! I know with certainty that I cannot perform that action with the RV windows.

Home or camping, now I always have a key handy. (P.S. He has tried to lock us out of the trailer. However, there has not been escape attempts yet. Perhaps that is more of a teen thing.)

By Shari Marshall – 2019


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