Parenting & Other Life Stories

Three words sum it up: boys are gross!


The Penis Chronicles presents “Three words sum it up: boys are gross!

February is secret life month, so I am going to reference this post with a fleeting thought. This fleeting thought involves my life as a princess surrounded by sunshine and rainbows, stories about love and romance, playing with dolls and stuffed animals, clean bedrooms, manners, and talk of tying bows and braiding hair…

Real life goes like this:

A blur went past me down the hallway and slammed the door on my son’s room. My subconscious mind said, “Holy shit, he’s up to something!” Before I could process further the blur zoomed by and out the back door to the sound of my husband’s voice booming with the same parental concern as my mind was swirling with, “What do you have? What are you doing?” As a response the blur turned fast to avoid my husband and was heading my way. I stepped into the doorway trapping the blur between me and my husband who was positioned at the top of the deck stairs. The blur’s speed slowed and it came into focus as my older son.

“What do you have?” I asked as I observed the look of being caught in an act of devilment and struggling to control that feeling of intense fear for being caught slid across his face with amazing speed.

There was a short pause then a voice trying to cast blame announced, “He threw pee on me!”

“He WHAT?!”

The accused He spoke up then. “He threw it on me first.”

“He did not,” was the only comment I could muster in a very unconvinced voice as I looked around for my husband who had managed to perfect his ability to disappear into thin air. The boys scrambled leaving me looking at a small square container with the telltale signs of urine and a wet splotched deck.

The disembodied voice of my husband floated up from somewhere, “gross!”

By Shari Marshall – 2019